Beautiful Nightmare on Christmas Eve
by Zothar
Summary: Joel is sick, shifting in and out of consciousness and lucidity. Ellie tries her best to care for him; but she can do nothing to stop his nightmares. One special night, she gets a glimpse of his life before the outbreak.


The muffled screams of agony echoed in the small room where Ellie lay. She winced, squeezing her eyes as she tried to block out the sounds. She knew what they meant: Joel was having nightmares again.

She tried to go back to sleep as the sobs continued, but found it pointless. Standing, she slipped on as many layers as she could and went to sit by the man who had become something of a friend to her. The several blankets and sleeping bags piled on top of him seemed to do little as his body shook from the frigid air.

They had somehow managed to survive in the Colorado mountains, though it was nothing short of a miracle for Joel. He was in and out of consciousness and lucidity as the infection grew worse. The cold weather wasn't helping matters any, and Ellie had spent several nights shivering while she tried to keep Joel warm with any blankets they had.

The nightmares had come with the worsening fever. They had scared her at first; the cries of pain and anguish waking her in the middle of the night. She had run to him, asking what was wrong. It wasn't until he muttered her name that Ellie knew.

Sarah.

He was reliving his daughter's death all over again. Night after long, horrible night, she could hear his sobs as he watched her die in his arms again. From what Ellie had gathered by talking to Joel's brother, she had been shot and killed by soldiers during the early parts of the outbreak. He didn't tell her much else after that; it wasn't a pleasant memory for him to relive either.

When she had brought it up to Joel… it had been a mistake. Even now, months later, she mentally kicked herself for that one. The look on his face when she said Sarah's name had sent chills down her spine; all the anger, pain, and anguish that had been buried for decades was surfacing. And she knew that she should have stopped and apologized. But she couldn't back down, and just turned a bad situation worse.

In the end, the argument had been resolved. But the pain etched in Joel's face stuck with Ellie. Even now, as she watched his face, she could see the same pain flitting across his expression. Even the eyes, closed tightly, conveyed the same emotion that they had when she had confronted him. And despite herself, she felt her heart break for him. Ellie didn't know what kind of pain came with losing a child. But if it could take Joel, a man who she had seen shrug off painful injuries, insults, and even the loss of his partner, and reduce him to tears and sobs, then she was sure she didn't want to experience it.

Another cry rocked Joel's chest and throat, this time causing his eyes to pop open. Ellie jumped a bit, backing away just slightly; there was no telling how Joel would react to her standing over him. He glanced around, wide eyed, until his gaze landed on her. His look softened a bit, and a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

"Hey, kiddo. You need a drink or something?"

Ellie felt her heart drop. Joel didn't call her kiddo. Kid, maybe. Never kiddo. With all the enthusiasm she could muster, she smiled at him.

"Na, just a bad dream," she said, sitting by his side.

"Yeah, I hate those things too," he muttered, his eyes unfocused and shifting. "Who turned down the AC? I know we're trying to save money on power, but this is pretty frigid."

"I'll fix it; don't worry."

Joel chuckled. "I know you will. Good girl," he muttered, eyes fluttering slightly. "You know what tonight is, don't you kiddo?"

Ellie tilted her head. "No; what is it?"

"Christmas Eve. So Santa's comin' tonight, and there'll be a nice big present for you under our tree." Joel turned to look back in her direction again, smiling once more. Ellie smiled her best in return.

"Oh yeah, of course," she said softly. Now that she thought about it, tonight was Christmas Eve; how Joel remembered, especially while delirious, was a mystery to her.

"Yup. Why don't you lie down beside me? I'll chase those nightmares away," Joel muttered, patting the floor beside him. A look of confusion crossed his face as his hand connected with something that wasn't a mattress.

"Na, I think I'll be fine," Ellie said quickly, distracting him from any unwanted realization. "I'll just head back to bed now. See you in the morning…" she hesitated for a moment, before softly finishing, "dad."

"Good night, Sarah. See you t'morrow. And Merry Christmas," Joel answered, his eyes already closing. In a few seconds he was gone again, though in a more comfortable rest now than before.

Ellie sat still for a long moment, tears stinging her eyes as she looked at the man in front of her. She hadn't called someone "dad" since… well, she hadn't. Never before.

Slowly, carefully, she bent down, planting a gentle kiss on Joel's cheek. "Merry Christmas," she said softly. Then she stood and walked back to her own bed.

Outside, the snow swirled and the wind softly whistled, making the trees creak and groan in a deep lament. Nothing took notice of the two lost souls surviving on the mountain. And yet, somehow, Christmas managed to reach the hearts of even them. So they will continue to fight, continue to survive. Until there are no more.

Until they truly are the last of us.


End file.
